Tapping into Creativity on this Full Moon in Leo

 It’s the first full moon of twenty-twenty one and for the last few weeks my personal life has been in the fast line like never before. I’ve felt disconnected from Spirit, dead to creative notions and without ambition for anything. Today, I laid in bed napping on and off and mindlessly watching a new show on National Geographic. I don’t recognize myself. I feel different, I’m behaving lost, depression looks like disgust and anger and I am clawing from within to get out. 

So let’s begin here, shall we? This Wolf Moon. I am a wild woman, howling for freedom and adventure. I tap into my intuition as I ponder the depths of curiosity unfolding in my complicated and faithful Spirit. 

I come to my deck with an armload of questions, desperate Hope and a little jitters to keep me going. 

What is your current connection to your Creativity?

Knight of Cups.

I am deeply and emotionally connected to my creative process. I open my armored heart and reveal a sensitivity known to no man. I am lost in a reverie, dreaming endlessly about the never ending romance of my idealistic Soul. I look at this Knight and she is so chill. Just sitting upon this beast of a motorcycle with a hot beverage, steering with one hand and she’s so relaxed. I must learn to slow my pace, become anchored in reality. I relax my shoulders and course onward toward groundedness. 

What are the obstacles that are keeping you from connecting to your creativity?

I really thought I knew the answer to this one. I turned the card over and found this thieving, sneaky and dishonest 7 of swords instead. Truly, I am on guard. I am constantly looking out for my tender heart to be wrecked. I pour myself so passionately and so completely into my creative endeavors that I see now, I am afraid that the soul of my creative work will be stolen in the night. I protect my sensitive heart by honoring my own boundaries. I am protection of myself. I am prepared to ward off ill-intention, grievous motives and outright thievery. I will not allow fear to keep me caged. I am here on this earth, in this time for such a moment as this. I cannot be stopped, even if my creative property is at risk. I will keep pouring out. 

What is the best way to C O N N E C T to my creativity?

Nine of Cups

I am in love with this rendition. Here, I see my husband’s art teacher sitting at his potter’s wheel, cranking out unique vases, mugs and statement pieces. He is happy. He is grateful. This is a beautiful self-fulfilling prophecy. There is joy on his face for the work of his hands, and there is gladness in his hands and gratefulness on his face. I am connected with the Spirit of my work by intentionally cultivating a habit of thanksgiving. Eucharisteo: joy, grace, thanksgiving-these always precede the miracle. I set my heart on gratitude and joy becomes my own. 

The best way to *EXPRESS* my creativity:

As I turn this card over, I am overwhelmed by it’s Truth. 

S U R R E N D E R to M E R A K I 

This was my 2020 Declaration. 

I Surrender my entire being into pouring my Heart and Soul into my Work. 

I dove headfirst into contemplative introspection, inner work among the Light and Shadows, and now...

How do I express my Creative Nature?

Simply Surrender.

I give myself over to the act of Meraki, embedding my Soul into every action, every brush stroke, every key strike, every shutter clasp....I am all here, savoring and making the moment with the weight of my presence. This is the only way. 

Yet, even here, I face a challenge. 

I rise for it.

I accept my life as it is right now, not as it could be or as I hope for it to become but as it already is, flawed and ever in motion. I allow my perspective to shift and I let it go. I submerge myself into the enlightenment of uncomfortable growth. Here I am Lord, use me. 

Is there a hidden influence? A creative muse that remains hidden to me? If so, reveal yourself?

Five of Cups reversed. 

Oh I’ve simply never been so aware before. 

DEPRESSION. 

It comes to steal, to kill and to destroy. 

I’ve lost myself in the haste of life lived too fast this month. I’ve neglected the gifts right out of my sight, waitin in my peripherals. My hidden muse, I think, is that I have developed an ability to see the Truth as it is. I call it out, and to the Light. I AM MY OWN MUSE. I can hide no longer. 

How can I hope to keep this Creative Flow going, despite my obvious fears, my busy life and distractions?

Two of Pentacles, reversed.

Ahhh, yes. 

I see. 

Thank you, Spirit. 

There is so much going n in my life right now that keeping the creative flow going feels impossible.

YET, 

Here we are. 

This juggling act hasn’t failed me yet. I must incorporate balance, as best I know how. I can do this. I am doing this. Equalateral balance is an illusion already, isn’t it. I could never hold the scales so perfectly, but I can continue to compromise, to give and to take in turn. To offer sacrificial love and mental health days and I keep pouring my efforts into the flame. I make space in my days to let some shit go, to intentionally focus on the truly mattering part. 

Holy Spirit, you are my Guide. 

Eternal Goddess, you are my Flame.

Heavenly Father, you are my Shelter.

Universal Christ, you are my everlasting Peace. 

Thank you for interruption my panic and anxiety to whisk me away into your unconditional grace.